How should we react when we perceive that a person is in misery? Jesus gave us the answer in the parable of the Prodigal Son.[i]

The Heart of the Gospel Message

Luke recounted an instance when Jesus was eating with known sinners.[ii] This incensed the Pharisees, and they challenged Jesus about the propriety of his actions. Apparently, the thing that disturbed the Pharisees more than sinners living amongst them was the Lord’s willingness to have fellowship with such people. Jesus’ response to the Pharisee’s criticism was his relating three parables: The Lost Sheep, The Lost Coin and The Prodigal Son. The central themes of these parables are the love of Christ, the value he places on a wayward soul, and his disdain for hypocrisy in people who ought to be about the work of the Father. These parables are sometimes called the heart of the gospel. If the gospel doesn’t work on this level, nothing else matters.

When we read these parables, we are drawn to how much value Jesus places on a wayward soul and the effort he is willing to expend to reclaim that soul. But there is a side story that is often overlooked: the story of the prodigal son’s brother—the other prodigal.

The Other Prodigal “would not go in”

We are informed that when the prodigal son finally returned home, his father immediately reinstated the boy into full family fellowship, which was represented by the robe, ring and shoes. Then the father called together his household for a celebration and a feast. Everyone was happy, except one: the prodigal’s brother. Upon hearing the news that the prodigal had returned and was suddenly his equal, the brother reacted with anger and discouragement. Significantly, we are told, he stood outside his father’s house “and would not go in.” The symbolism of remaining outside the Father’s house is striking.

When the father came out to beg the second son to reconsider (notice that the father has now rushed to recover both his sons), the boy complained that he was being treated unfairly. This selfish attitude betrays the boy’s true character. Was he really the dutiful son? Was he really interested in his father and his father’s concerns? If he had been interested in his father’s concerns, why had he apparently abandoned his father to shoulder alone the burden of a lost son? We have no mention of the second son’s waiting with his father, day after day, scanning the horizon for a familiar figure to finally appear. Over the long, agonizing years, did the second son ever kneel with his father to plead for his brother to reconsider his ways and return home?

There are other glaring character flaws. For example, Jesus makes no mention that this brother ever tried to talk his prodigal sibling out of leaving home or thereafter to go out and try to find him. We wonder if he was relieved that he no longer had to associate with his sinful brother. Perhaps his judgment of his brother urged the separation in the first place. After his prodigal brother departed, did the brother continue to criticize his brother’s actions by comparing them to his own? When he received news that his prodigal brother had wasted his substance on riotous living and was now eating with the pigs, did he say in his heart, “Well, at last my brother has received his due”?

Prodigals Among Us

I spoke with a prodigal recently. She is sick of her sinful life and wants to come home. She made an attempt recently, quietly sitting alone on the back row of Relief Society. No one came to sit by her; no one shook her hand. She attracted what she interpreted as judgmental glances. You see, in her neighborhood, she is a known sinner. She came to church for love and relief but she was met by Pharisees. Now she is afraid for her daughter, who also wants to return to church, but this daughter is an unwed mother who is struggling to recover from years of drug abuse. And everybody in the ward knows. Both of them could make it all the way home, if someone would rush to their side, help them return, greet them with a robe, ring, shoes, and throw a celebratory feast. At this critical moment, a true friend could make all the difference. The mother and the daughter want to escape the “far country,” stop eating with the swine and return to the full fellowship of home, but they are not sure if their brothers and sisters will welcome them.

Remember, the heart of the gospel message is The Lost Sheep, The Lost Coin and The Prodigal Son. If the gospel does not power to save from incredible distances, it is just a nice philosophy. Jesus gave these parables to defend his preferring to work with sinners over his seeking the fellowship of the self-righteous. He set the perfect example of being about his Father’s business, which is redemption. He always had his antennae up, searching for the one who had wandered, seeking the one who was lost, and patiently waiting and praying for the rebellious one to reconsider and start home.

True sons and daughters of God do the work of their Father. Like Jesus, they plead with their prodigal siblings not to leave home, but when that happens, they go out to find them. They search the mountains and valleys; they shine a light and sweep and seek for their precious missing brothers and sisters. When nothing else works, they sit patiently with their Father and scan the horizon for the first motion of their loved ones’ return. They pray with their Father, hurt with their Father, yearn with their Father, and finally they rejoice with their Father and support him in his decisions when their prodigal siblings come home. In every way, they do as Jesus does: they do the work of the Father. They devote their lives to the plan of redemption. They always have their antennae up, looking for opportunities to bring people to Christ.

I will love you even if…

All the gospel learning in the world does not compensate for failure to do the work of redemption. Both Paul and Mormon—two witnesses!—taught us that without charity we are nothing.[iii] Charity is a different kind of love; it is the celestial quality of love–saving love. “Charity is the pure love of Christ,” meaning the type of love that comprises the power of Christ to search out, seek, wait patiently, reinstate and rejoice.

True sons and daughters of God are “filled with this love.”[iv] They assume that there are “no coincidences in the lives of righteous people.”[v] They are not afraid to love: “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear.”[vi] Rather, when they encounter someone who is hurting and who wants to come home, they show love unconditionally; they respond with their consecrated time, talents and means to embrace and rescue the tender prodigal.

True sons and daughters of God test their love against the “even if” list.

• I will love you even if you … lie.
• I will love you even if you … steal.
• I will love you even if you … yell at me.
• I will love you even if you … abandon your covenants.
• I will love you even if you … drink, smoke, take drugs.
• I will love you even if you … commit sexual sin.
• I will love you even if you … choose an alternative lifestyle.
• I will love you even if you … leave home and don’t talk with me for years.
• I will love you even if you … betray me.
• I will love you even if you … are committed to prison.
• I will love you even if you … have an abortion.

We might ask ourselves where our love ceases for a family member. Where does our love cease for a non-family member? Where, would we suppose, does God’s love cease? One of the exacting prices of becoming like God is to learn to love “even if.”

Genuine love—charity—saving love—offers returning prodigals a soft place to land. Harsh judgment will turn them away; charity will embrace them and create a network of healing support. If they have no friends, they might return home, but they will not remain.

Hypocrisy at Its Worst

Hugh Nibley wrote: “The worst sinners, according to Jesus, are not the harlots and publicans, but the religious leaders with their insistence on proper dress and grooming, their careful observance of all the rules, their precious concern for status symbols, their strict legality, their pious patriotism….”^[vii]

The worst kind of hypocrisy is to pretend piety and loyalty to God but turn away from the work of God. The prodigal’s brother proclaimed his righteousness, but had never lifted a finger to help his father bring his brother back. Then when his prodigal brother finally did return, he would not accept his brother as an equal part of the family. He judged that his brother was unworthy of the family’s love. He refused to participate in the Father’s work of redemption, but he expected the Father to reward him anyway.

The Opposite of Love is Apathy

Hypocrisy is at its worst when it rears its head with harsh judgment or idly standing by. Elder Marvin J. Ashton said, “Hate is not the opposite of love. Apathy is.”[viii]

Every prodigal takes a tremendous risk when he (she) makes the effort to come home. He simply does not know if love and welcome await him. A ring, robe and shoes and a celebratory feast are beyond his imagination. More than likely, the prodigal will slip into church quietly the first time, hoping that no one notices the odor on his clothes or his unconventional appearance. Perhaps, prodigals are already among us and have come and gone for a long time. Or perhaps they regularly attend, but retreat to an area where they can sit alone and try to remain unnoticed–somewhere they can silently scream because of the pain they are experiencing.

True sons and daughters of God will do the work of the Father and seek out their prodigal brothers and sisters. True sons and daughters of God will manifest unconditional love, the pure love of Christ that has the power to save. True sons and daughters of God will withhold judgment, and not sit by as apathetic observers. True sons and daughters of God are striving to become saviors in the similitude of the Savior.

Author’s Note

My thanks to John Unice and Jerry Garrett who gave me the inspiration for this article.

Parts of this article were adapted from my book, Rescuing Wayward Children. Follow this link to learn more.)

Also, get a sample of my new 5-book series on Zion: The Three Pillars of Zion. Click here.

[ii] Luke 15:1-2.

[iii] 1 Corinthians 1:1-3; Moroni 7:46.

[iv] Moroni 7:47-48.

[v] “Encouraging Advice Prophetic for Couple Embarking on Future,” LDS Church News, 07/11/98.

[vi] 1 John 4:18.

[vii] Nibley, Approaching Zion, 53–54.

[viii] Marvin J. Ashton, Ensign, Feb 1993, 64.

Forgiveness is a spiritual gift that is obtained by asking for it “with a sincere heart, with real intent”[ii] (that is, with the real intention to forgive). Parents of wayward children often face a number of people whom they must forgive: their children, judgmental onlookers, and themselves.

Often, fasting and requesting a priesthood blessing to obtain this spiritual gift is helpful. Receiving a priesthood blessing has another benefit; through the power of the priesthood the adversary may be detected and cast away, for it is often the adversary who blunts our ability to forgive and buffets us with the miserable effects of carrying a grudge. Both the recipient and the priesthood holder can profit from the Lord’s counsel on casting out the “dark spirits” under Satan’s influence: “This kind goeth not out but by prayer and fasting.”[iii]

The Example of Job

Job’s life is a powerful and interesting lesson on forgiveness. Job was an ancient priest and judge who was highly respected and very wealthy. He was doing everything right when suddenly everything went wrong. In an instant, he lost his seven sons and three daughters. Then he lost his wealth and his health. When he was cast from his home to take up residence near the city’s refuse pile, he was separated from his wife—possibly one of his hardest trials.

Then three of his friends (and later a fourth) came to comfort him. They were so astonished at his condition and appearance that they could not utter a word but rather sat with him in silence for seven days, “for they saw that his grief was very great.”[iv] At that point, the unimaginable happened—Job’s friends turned against him and accused him of sin. They imagined that nothing short of misdeeds and flaws in his character could produce such misery. Surely, they said, Job was now reaping the reward for his poor choices and bad conduct.

Job, however, was not a sinner “deserving” of his trials. Do we feel the same way—judged by other of self-judged to be deserving of the trials of having a wayward child? Sometimes we play both the roles of the martyr and accusing friends; we berate ourselves and take responsibility when children stray from the path of righteousness. Often, our quick assumption is that we’re suffering because of our own shortcomings. While there may be an element of truth to that statement (and if there is, we ought to quickly repent), our shortcomings typically pale in comparison to the child’s use of agency. Nevertheless, we are prone to errantly assign personal blame as though we could read the mind of God. We are quick to judge ourselves harshly, and thereby we become our own worst enemies, much like Job’s judgmental friends, who were willing to accuse Job while he was suffering.

Amazingly, despite all the false accusations and abuse, Job maintained his integrity. He knew that sin was not the cause of his affliction. Obviously, Job knew the Lord well enough to know that he was right before the Lord. If escaping his circumstance were as easy as admitting to a mistake, Job would have gladly done so. But he had received no such divine communication, so he was duty-bound to maintain his integrity and wait for the Lord to deliver him and give him further instructions.

The Final Trial of Job

In the end, the Lord vindicated Job by chastising Job’s friends. Speaking to one of them, Eliphaz, the Lord said, “My wrath is kindled against thee, and against thy two friends: for ye have not spoken of me the thing that is right, as my servant Job hath.” Then, in an extraordinary gesture to reach out to the friends and invite them to repent (and the result would become Job’s ultimate test), the Lord commanded Eliphaz and the friends, “Therefore take unto you now seven bullocks and seven rams, and go to my servant Job, and offer up for yourselves a burnt offering; and my servant Job shall pray for you: for him will I accept: lest I deal with you after your folly.” [v]

The final trial of Job was forgiveness!

After all that had happened to him, after all the abuse, could Job now forgive and pray for his friends? Yes. And the result was astounding: “And the Lord turned the captivity of Job, when he prayed for his friends: also the Lord gave Job twice as much as he had before.”[vi] Through the powerful act of forgiveness, Job’s captivity was turned; through the powerful act of forgiveness, Job was able to rescue and reclaim his friends; and through the powerful act of forgiveness, the Lord restored to Job twice as much as he had had before.

Forgiveness—Coming Near to Perfection

At some point, and perhaps at many points along the way, we will have to forgive our wayward child, other judgmental people, and ourselves. And, as President Kimball stated, if we are able to forgive sincerely, we are “near to perfection.”[vii]

Our reward for having made this sacrifice—for forgiveness is at least a sacrifice of pride—will be much more than what was required of us in order to forgive: twice as much in the case of Job, and even more in other cases. In the early days of the restored Church, the suffering, forgiving Latter-day Saints were told, “And again, if your enemy shall smite you the second time, and you revile not against your enemy, and bear it patiently, your reward shall be an hundredfold.”[viii]

The reward comes from our having learned to be like God. Struggling to comprehend the boundaries of forgiveness, Peter asked Jesus, “Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.”[ix] That is, we cannot become sons and daughters of God without being able to forgive without limitation. To emphasize this point, the Lord taught a parable that reveals something we must learn in order to become like Him—the capacity and desire to forgive endlessly, even when sins are severe and enormous:

Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take account of his servants.

And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him, which owed him ten thousand talents.

But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made.

The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.

Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt.[x]

Forgiveness–One of the Greatest Tests of Discipleship

We are part of the kingdom of heaven; we are the servants of the King who will take account of us. Our debt to sin is massive; we cannot pay it. The demands of justice are unbearable. His patience with and mercy toward us are what we plead for. Because the King is compassionate, He is willing to loose us from our burden and forgive our debt. But if we will not extend the same courtesy to another debtor, as the parable later details, we kindle the wrath of the King, who will deliver us to the tormentors until we pay all that was originally due.[xi] Our casually forgiving someone will not suffice; we must do so from our heart, the most sensitive and tender part of our soul. We cannot truly forgive and hold anything back. If we are not willing to do this, we commit the “greater sin.”[xii]

Because the trait of forgiveness defines Jesus, and because we must develop this principle of salvation to become like Him, He gives us multiple opportunities to learn it in mortality, primarily with those whom we love the most. Forgiveness is one of the greatest tests of discipleship. Being willing to forgive speaks to our desire to become like Christ, for by forgiving we lay the groundwork for the sinner’s redemption.

The Christlike saint seeks to redeem and reclaim while Satan seeks to captivate and destroy. One reason that we withhold forgiveness is to hold the sinner in a form of spiritual bondage. That is a reason why non-forgiveness is such a serious sin. We simply cannot be Saints and do the work of Satan on any level. On the other hand, sincere forgiveness closes the door on Satan, who would use the unsettled issue to destroy our souls. Therefore, for the sake of our souls and the souls of all others who sin or judge harshly, we must forgive. And we start the process by forgiving ourselves.

Author’s Note:

Note: This article is adapted from Rescuing Wayward Children. Follow this link to learn more.

Also, to receive a sample of my new 5-book series, The Three Pillars of Zion, Click here.

[ii] Moroni 10:4.

[iii] Matthew 17:21.

[iv] Job 2:13.

[v] Job 42:7–8, emphasis added.

[vi] Job 42:10.

[vii] Spencer W. Kimball, The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, 204.

[viii] D&C 98:25.

[ix] Matthew 18:21–22.

[x] Matthew 18:23–27.

[xi] See Matthew 18:34.

[xii] D&C 64:9.

To the Prophet Joseph Smith, the Lord revealed an astonishing doctrine that speaks to the far-reaching effects of the Atonement. It also hints that our wayward children’s premortal righteousness will be taken into account when judgments are pronounced. This doctrine seems to make allowance for those who have been deceived by the doctrines of man or who have been offended by hypocritical members of the Church. “Behold, verily I say unto you, there are hypocrites among you, who have deceived some, which has given the adversary power; but behold such shall be reclaimed.”

We learn an important truth here: Eternal judgments are not issued on the basis of deception. Not one of Satan’s followers was cast out because they were deceived. Judgments are based on full light, knowledge and choice. Without making excuses for our children’s present behavior, we nevertheless might ask ourselves, Have our children gone wayward because they have been deceived or offended? Do they have full light and knowledge so that they can accurately choose between God and Satan? According to the Lord’s promise, if they are laboring under any degree of deception or offense, he will reach out to them and reclaim them.

Wo unto the Deceivers and Hypocrites

But to the self-righteous and mean-spirited, the Lord pronounces a wo: “But wo unto them that are deceivers and hypocrites, for, thus saith the Lord, I will bring them to judgment…But the hypocrites shall be detected and shall be cut off, either in life or in death, even as I will; and wo unto them who are cut off from my church, for the same are overcome of the world.” Then the Lord cautions us against such behavior: “Wherefore, let every man beware lest he do that which is not in truth and righteousness before me.”

Judgment based on the Sum of Existence

Regarding our children’s premortal righteousness, which we have learned was very great, eternal judgment seems to take into account the sum of their existence. In this same revelation, the Lord says, “Behold, ye are little children and ye cannot bear all things now; ye must grow in grace and in the knowledge of the truth. Fear not, little children, for you are mine, and I have overcome the world, and you are of them that my Father hath given me; and none of them that my Father hath given me shall be lost.”

Imagine! None that the Father has given the Savior shall be lost! But we ask ourselves, Is our child one of those whom the Father has given to the Son? An answer might lie in the fact that this revelation was given to weak members of the Church, whom the Lord was calling to repentance and yet was offering mercy. He knew them better than they knew themselves, and therefore he was offering to take pity on them and methodically work with them until he had brought them home.

No one can take our Children from the Savior

For further evidence, we turn to Jesus’ words to his apostles concerning his sheep: “And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand. My Father, which gave them me, is greater than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of my Father’s hand.”

No one can take our children from Jesus, and our children simply cannot break free from the Savior’s embrace. The Father gave them to him, and Jesus holds them in his hands as pearls of great price. Despite their present choices, they have a past that will be taken into account at the time of judgment. In the meantime, Jesus will carefully draw them to him until the deceptions are stripped away, the offenses are healed, and until our children finally have enough light and knowledge to choose between God and Satan. If their premortal choices are any indication, we have every hope that they will choose right, which is more in their character than their present actions.

A Letter from the Mother of a Former Noble Son

Here is a letter from a mother, who sees in her son a noble soul, although his present behavior is lacking:

I have hesitated several times to respond to your column, but something has moved me today, to take the time to share our experience.

We have a son, who is now twenty, who has made some serious mistakes. We have prayed, fasted, and prayed some more, that he would be ”brought to a knowledge of the truth,” and understand the importance of obedience.  He has had several “awakenings,” but up until now, those experiences have not changed his attraction to the “world.”

A little while ago, he was working in another country, and we received a phone call that he had been arrested on some very serious charges.  As we came to understand what he had done, we realized he had not intentionally broken the laws of the land, but had broken our Father in Heaven’s commandments. We tried to pull together bail money for him, but in the meantime, we prayed to have the wisdom regarding whether or not to get him out before the Lord had time to work on his heart and mind. We did not want to circumvent a potential blessing by rushing in.

During the waiting time, we were in deep despair because of the potentially severe consequences that he could face if he were found guilty. We were hardly able to function, even mundane tasks. We researched the possible penalties in that country, and the more we researched, the more fearful we became. We became physically sick with worry.  Worse, we were only able to communicate with our son when he phoned us collect from the jail. We were devastated when we heard him plead for help. A Stake President in the area put us in touch with an attorney, which was all we were able to do.

Then we began to experience the Lord’s tender mercies. A very loving bishop in that area began to visit our son. The bishop took our son a set of scriptures, and gave him several priesthood blessings, which our son requested. We felt from the Spirit that we should not to travel to see him “until the time was right,” which was very difficult for us.  I was beginning to realize that much of our anguish was because of the fear that “man” put into our hearts and minds. My husband and I turned to the scriptures, and our prayers became more focused, as we sought direction and comfort through the Atonement. 

One day I was reading in 1 Nephi chapter 7 about the experience Nephi had with his brothers when they bound him with strong cords, and he prayed that he could have the strength to “burst these bands with which I am bound.” Suddenly, there was the answer to the bondage that I felt we were in.  My husband and I began to pray that we would be able to burst the bands of fear and discouragement that had bound. Now, rather than spending our time researching penalties and “man’s” ways, we searched for stories from prophets and apostles that were similar to ours.  The fear and discouragement began to lift.  The next step was to sanctify ourselves. We committed to go to the temple weekly. That was difficult, because my husband serves as bishop, but we found a way. After our first trip to the temple, we both felt the power of peace, especially in being reminded that our Father is over all, created all, and could assist us in handling whatever was required. 

As I sat and tried to focus on the Spirit, a whisper came into my mind, saying, “You asked me to bring your son to a knowledge of the truth, now let me finish.”  I understood very clearly what the Spirit was telling me, and the comfort that I felt was overwhelming.  In the temple, my husband took time to ponder, and found a scripture–D&C 101:16–which reads: “…for all flesh is in mind hands; be still and know that I am God.”  That was a great lesson. Instead of running to and fro, looking for solutions and answers to this tragic occurrence, we needed to completely trust our Father in Heaven and BE STILL.  We do not interpret this as meaning that we just sitting around; rather, we do all that we can and leave the Lord to accomplish the best result.

Our son spent two weeks in jail until we felt the promptings that it was the right time to bail him out.  In speaking with him when he was released, and asking him when he finally began to “wake up” to his mistakes, he told us that it was a little over a week.  We were so very grateful that we had listened to the promptings of the Spirit and did not interfere with the Lord’s timetable.

Our son is now home with us, but the charges are still pending. Our son’s spiritual awakening is a work in progress.  We don’t know whether he will be required to serve time or pay a fine or both. We don’t know if this is his real “awakening” experience and if this time he will change. We have our good days and our not so good days. We do not believe our loving Father caused this tragedy, but we do believe that he is using the experience to work with our boy. Our son’s Patriarchal Blessing is filled with references about who this child really is. Our continuing prayer is that one day he will realize his true identity, to see himself as Heavenly Father sees him, and to do what he needs to do return to God.

Thank you for letting me to express these thoughts through your column.  If you feel it could be useful, our prayer is that what we have learned will help someone else, as we are constantly searching for support and help from others who have gone through similar trials.

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And, of course, I am honored to share this tender story with my readers. Every wayward child is known and loved beyond our imagination. Some have been deceived or offended, “but behold such shall be reclaimed.”  Because of their premortal greatness, they were given to the Savior by the Father as a trust, “and none of them that my Father hath given me shall be lost.”

Every great sinner has an infinitely greater Savior.

D&C 50:6, 8-9

D&C 50:40-42, emphasis added

John 10:28-29