Zion: The Holy Marriage—Part 2
Jul 16th, 2009 by larrybarkdull
The Jewish marriage customs are amazingly similar to the New and Everlasting Covenant, which is the first “pillar of Zion.” In this second part of a four-part series, we will discuss how the rites of the betrothal ceremony parallel the beautiful covenant that we make with the Lord, who is our beloved Bridegroom. When we understand the Jewish marriage, we discover that the language of marriage permeates the scriptures, causing us to never read the scriptures the same way again.
(NOTE: This article is the second part of four articles adapted from Chapter 8 of The Three Pillars of Zion. You can download a free Sampler of this new Zion series at www.PillarsOfZion.com.)
The Jewish marriage parallels the New and Everlasting Covenant with astonishing similarity. Because the New and Everlasting Covenant is the first “pillar of Zion,” and because it is upon this foundational Covenant that a Zion life or a Zion marriage are established, we would be well served to become familiar with these ancient customs.
Review
In Part 1 of this series, we learned that the Jewish marriage describes the beauty and loving nature of the New and Everlasting Covenant.
- Marriage was considered the primary and most glorious purpose of life. Just so, the New and Everlasting Covenant provides the glorious end-purpose of our lives.
- Jewish children were “born to marry” just as we are born to enter into the Covenant.
- Parents shouldered the responsibility to help choose their child’s mate, although the child retained the freedom of choice. Likewise, parents have the obligation to introduce their children into the New and Everlasting Covenant, but the children do so by choice.
- To legalize the marriage covenant, the bridegroom had to 1) pay a bride price, 2) offer his bride a marriage contract, and 3) the couple had to consummate the marriage, meaning to know each other. Similarly, in the New and Everlasting Covenant, we (the bride) are:
- The bridegroom initiated the offer of marriage to the bride. Just so, the Savior extends his hand to us and lovingly invites us to join with him in the New and Everlasting Covenant.
In this second segment of the four-part series, we will examine some of the rites associated with the Jewish betrothal that initiated the marriage and preceded the wedding.
Bought with a Price
When the marriage delegation, which included the groom, his father, friend(s) and witness(es), arrived at the bride’s home, the proposal ceremony began. First, the young man paid the girl’s father a “bride price.” There are several important symbolic parallels to our covenant with the Savior that are portrayed in the price that the bridegroom paid for the bride.
It meant a pledge of money given by the man to seal his offer to marry. This was not like buying a slave but was perceived as compensating the father for the great loss of his daughter and her contribution to the household. It recognized the care and diligence required to raise her to be a suitable wife. In addition, it also sealed a bond of alliance between the two families.
This relationship of ownership is described in the word segulah, “which means ‘peculiar treasure’ or ‘treasured relationship’…. Truly, the worth of a bride was great in the eyes of her husband.”
Importantly, the bride price “signified the transfer of authority from father to husband.” That is, when the bride gave her consent and entered into the marriage covenant, she agreed to fully belong to her husband, not as if she were a slave or property, but exclusive as would be a beloved eternal companion. She was “bought with a price.” Now she was expected to shift her loyalty from her father to her husband and follow him in righteousness. Likewise, when we enter into the New and Everlasting Covenant with the Savior, we leave behind all other loyalties and affections and shift our devotion exclusively to him.
Of great significance was the amount of the bride price. A small amount suggested that her husband held her in low esteem and of little value. But if he paid a great deal for her in money or service, the implication was that he was acquiring something extremely valuable that required cherishing. Thus a bridegroom’s consecrating his all to “purchase” his bride would signify both immense sacrifice and unbounded love. In his eyes, she would be of infinite worth. We recall that Jacob “served seven years for Rachel, and they seemed to him but a few days because of his love for her.” When we consider the bride price, we cannot avoid the reference to the Savior who paid for us with his life and offers us all that he is and has. He bought us with “his own blood.”
Although the bride’s father received the bride price, he returned most of it to his daughter. This became her dowry, which her husband could never access. It was her security, in case her husband died. Effectively, her father endowed her so that she might enter her new life and have adequate security to face with the uncertainties of that life. Thus, her security originated from the sacrifice of her husband and culminated in the generosity of her father.
Similarly, our Heavenly Father endows us with gifts of great value that ensure our future safety and security, and these gifts flow to us from the sacrifice of our beloved Bridegroom.
The Marriage Contract
In Jewish thought, all covenantal relationships were extremely serious. Often, only when they were sealed in blood did they became final and legally binding. The actual terms of the marriage covenant “were spelled out in a formal document called a ketubah…which stated the bride price…the promises and obligations of the groom and listed the rights of the bride. It signified a permanent covenant and an exclusive agreement.” The wording of an ancient ketubah might be representative:
- I will provide you with food, clothing and necessities.
- I will redeem you if you are ever taken captive.
- I will live with you as a husband according to the universal custom.
Notice that the marriage contract was weighted in the bride’s favor. The groom listed “what he would do for her, what he would give her, and how he would care and provide for her.” While it is true that we agree “to take upon us the name of [the] Son, and always remember him and keep his commandments,” it is also true that we sometimes forget how much the New and Everlasting Covenanted is weighted in our favor. If we “receive” Jesus, we also receive all that Jesus inherits from his Father: “[the] Father’s kingdom…therefore all that my Father hath shall be given unto him.” “They are they into whose hands the Father has given all things.”
The marriage covenant was one of love, security and comforting assurance. The bridegroom listed promises to always take care of his wife with food, clothing, necessities, redemption and affectionate attention. We would expect the same treatment by our relationship with the Lord in the Covenant. The text of Psalms 37 in the Jewish Tanakh reads: “The Lord is concerned for the needs of the blameless [the bride]; their portion lasts forever; they shall not come to grief in bad times; in famine, they shall eat their fill…. I have never seen a righteous man abandoned, or his children seeking bread. [The Lord] is always generous.”
By taking some license, we might personalize the promise of continuous caring that Jesus gave to his apostles on both continents:
And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin; And yet I say unto you, that even Solomon, in all his glory, was not arrayed like one of these. Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is cast into the oven, even so will he clothe you, if ye are not of little faith. Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? For your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. But seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.
Another stipulation of the marriage contract was the bridegroom’s vow to redeem his wife should were she ever taken captive. Lehi assured his son Jacob of the surety of the Lord’s redemption: “Wherefore, redemption cometh in and through the Holy Messiah; for he is full of grace and truth. Behold, he offereth himself a sacrifice.”
All of us have sinned and to one extent or another have been taken captive by the enemy. Each of us is in need of the Bridegroom’s promise of redemption: “and he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people.” We are reminded of Abraham, a type of the Savior, who assembled an army to rescue Lot and his household from their enemies when they had been taken captive. “And [Abraham] brought back all the goods, and also brought again his brother Lot, and his goods, and the women also, and the people.” Thus by covenant, the Bridegroom places all that he has and is, including his own life, on the altar of sacrifice to redeem us from our enemies and to clear every obstacle that stands between us and exaltation.
Finally, the bridegroom promised to live with his wife with love and affection. Donna Nielsen wrote,
The third and last promise in the [marriage contract] was the groom’s promise to live as a husband with the bride and to give her an opportunity to bear children. In Hebrew ‘to bear children’ was synonymous with the term ‘to bear fruit.’ Children were called the ‘fruit of the womb (Luke 1:42).
To first be married (oneness) and to then bear fruit (fruitfulness) was considered by the ancients to be the measure of one’s creation. The oneness and fruitfulness shared by a husband and wife is described by the Savior (the True Vine) in the following verse: “I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.” As long as we abide in the Covenant with him, he promises to abide in us, and together our union will be one of abundant fruitfulness.
Moreover, he promises his continuous affection. Nephi called these acts of affection “tender mercies,” gentle reminders of his love and awareness, love notes from the one who knows and adores us most. “Behold, I, Nephi, will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen.” These evidences of love flow to us quietly but continually; they are a “multitude of his tender mercies.” When the bride recognizes her husband’s constant goodness, she is brought to tears for her good fortune: “And when they had set their feet upon the shores of the promised land they bowed themselves down upon the face of the land, and did humble themselves before the Lord, and did shed tears of joy before the Lord, because of the multitude of his tender mercies over them.”
The marriage contract was often elaborately decorated, a piece of art and thus as a thing of beauty. It contained the words of a binding and holy agreement, and the bride cherished it. The marriage contract was tangible proof of her future husband’s devotion and her immutable rights. Again, we hear overtones of the New and Everlasting Covenant. No doctrine is more glorious. We cling to the Covenant because it offers us the Bridegroom’s guarantees of continually providing for us, keeping us safe, redeeming us from our enemies, and living with us in loving and fruitful companionship. The Covenant promises us the Bridegroom’s name, and it reminds us of the great price that he paid for us. The Covenant guarantees that he will endow us with all that he is and has. It states that we, his bride, are his “great treasure,” and the Covenant reminds us that he has given his own blood to seal the covenant. What bride would not cherish such a document, especially if it was backed up by years of verifiable devotion?
The Gift of Value
The presentation of the marriage contract was followed by the bridegroom’s offering his beloved “a token,” that is, “a gift of value.” This gift was different from the bride price, which the bridegroom had paid to the young woman’s father. In this case, the groom offered the token directly to his intended bride. “The groom’s gift was considered to be an extension of himself….It also symbolized his willingness to sacrifice and served as a reminder of his love. A gold ring was frequently used as this token or gift because it represented eternity. Anciently, the ring used was often a link from a gold chain. The chain represented past and future family associations and was seen as symbolically linking the girl to her new family.”
Sometimes the “gift of value” was silver or gold coins. A devoted bride would often make a chain of the coins and attach them “to her veil as an important part of her headdress.” In private and in public, she was spoken for, beloved, and ever abiding in the covenant. If she lost something this valuable, she would take it as a tragedy. Jesus’ parable of the lost coin makes more sense in this light; the loss of something so precious could indicate that she had been careless with the token that her betrothed husband had given her. Clearly, our treatment of the Lord’s gifts is an indication of our respect for him and the Covenant that we have entered into. The tokens he gives us are the emblems of his sacrifice represented by the emblems of the sacrament.
The Pledge
After the bridegroom had paid the bride price, offered his beloved the covenantal marriage contract, and given her the token or gift of value, he “recited a ritual statement to consecrate himself to his bride.” For example, the Biblical prophet, Hosea, speaking for the Lord, pledged, “And I will betroth thee unto me for ever; yea, I will betroth thee unto me in righteousness, and in judgment, and in lovingkindness, and in mercies. I will even betroth thee unto me in faithfulness: and thou shalt know the Lord.”
Donna Nielsen explained that the word “consecrate, wherein the groom consecrated himself to the bride, is used to mean, ‘to devote irrevocably.’ The groom has no options here-no escape clauses-there is no question ever that he would rescind his invitation to the woman to marry. He cannot break this [covenant] if the woman remains faithful, for he is bound if she fulfills her part of the covenant.”
Just so, Christ consecrates and devotes himself to us irrevocably when he offers us the Covenant. He will absolutely live up to every promise made in the Covenant. The scriptures are replete with such language. For example, “What I the Lord have spoken, I have spoken, and I excuse not myself; and though the heavens and the earth pass away, my word shall not pass away, but shall all be fulfilled.” “Ye know in all your hearts and in all your souls, that not one thing hath failed of all the good things which the Lord your God spake concerning you; all are come to pass unto you, and not one thing hath failed thereof.” “Who am I, saith the Lord, that have promised and have not fulfilled?”
The Cup to Seal the Covenant
Now the bride had before her the marriage covenant, which stated the bride price, and the token or gift of value. She had heard the bridegroom make an irrevocable pledge stating his eternal devotion and indivisible consecration to her. At this point, he placed before her a cup of wine, which represented blood. Donna Nielsen wrote, “The idea was that the blood of the covenant superseded all other loyalties.” The wine also signified sacrifice and joy. “These three elements [blood, sacrifice and joy] were intrinsic to the marriage relationship….Now came the suspenseful part. At this point, the woman had about thirty seconds to make up her mind….If the woman was willing to receive the man and his proposed condition, she would accept his gift [token] and also drink the cup of wine, which sealed the covenant. This showed that she was willing to take his name upon her.”
When the Savior offers us the New and Everlasting Covenant, we must not vacillate but rather make a firm decision. Our being “lukewarm” only summons the Savior’s rebuke. Elijah became indignant with such indecision: “How long halt ye between two opinions? if the Lord be God, follow him: but if Baal, then follow him.” However, in the act of acceptance, we see glimpses of our saying yes to baptism, receiving the sacrament, and consenting to taking our temple covenants and ordinances. Drinking of the cup is implied in every covenant-making instance: “But Jesus answered and said…Are ye able to drink of the cup that I shall drink of, and to be baptized with the baptism that I am baptized with? They say unto him, We are able. And he saith unto them, Ye shall drink indeed of my cup, and be baptized with the baptism that I am baptized with.”
The bride’s drinking of the cup of wine had to be witnessed by two observers. If and when the bride drank of the cup, the couple was considered betrothed for marriage. “Following the woman’s acceptance, the groom and sometimes the girl’s father recited additional formal statements….To the bride, the groom would speak the words, ‘Thou art set apart (or consecrated) for me according to the law of Moses and Israel.’ Interestingly, the same word for ‘set apart,’ in the New Testament Greek, ‘hagiazo’ was also used to describe the state of a temple once it was dedicated.”
The bride’s body was now considered a temple for her husband. Likewise, when we enter the Covenant our bodies become temples for the spirit of the Lord. That idea was suggested by Paul: “Know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?” And in another place, “The temple of God is holy, which temple ye are.”
All of this suggests, of course, that the marriage covenant represented more than mere ritual or the rehearsing of words. To become valid and eternal, those outward ritualistic actions had to become an inward condition of two hearts bound together by love:
But this shall be the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel [the bride]; After those days, saith the Lord, I will put my law in their inward parts, and write it in their hearts; and will be their God, and they shall be my people [my bride]. And they shall teach no more every man his neighbour, and every man his brother, saying, Know the Lord: for they shall all know me, from the least of them unto the greatest of them, saith the Lord.” Most intimately and most completely, we will know the Bridegroom, and our love would not permit us to violate our Covenant with him. “This is eternal lives–to know the only wise and true God, and Jesus Christ, whom he hath sent. I am he. Receive ye, therefore, my law.
The Covenantal Feast
The betrothal ceremony often ended with a feast at the home of the bride. Included in the feast would be the “breaking of bread.” By partaking of the “same loaf at the same table,” the participants became bound together as companions. Significantly, the sharing of a meal together followed the couple’s entering into a covenant.
We cast our thoughts immediately upon the sacrament table and the Lord’s supper, which among other things reminds us of our previously having entered into the New and Everlasting Covenant with the Lord through baptism. Additionally, the sacrament reminds us that we are “in waiting,” anticipating the time when the Bridegroom will come for us and take us into the place that he has prepared for us in the mansions of his Father. We are always in a state of remembrance, obediently preparing and patiently anticipating the Bridegroom.
The sacrament also helps us to hearken back to the day when we accepted the Lord’s proposal and made mutual vows to each other in the presence of two witnesses. That was the day when we formalized our covenant with Lord by being immersed in the living waters or in other words drinking fully from the cup of his love. To commemorate the day we entered into the New and Everlasting Covenant, we eat a covenantal meal containing broken bread from the same loaf.
Therefore, by the bread and the cup of wine, we keep forefront in our minds our love for and hope in our loving Bridegroom; we hold in sacred remembrance our immutable vows to each other; we know that he will someday come at an unannounced hour to carry us away to the place that he has prepared for us, our eternal inheritance-”our mansion”-where we will live with him forever in the house of his Father.
Next Time
In the next segment of this four-part series, we will examine the events that occur during the waiting period-the time between the betrothal and the wedding. We will examine the father’s calling, some symbolic clothing, the responsibility of the friend of the bridegroom, and the importance of the bridegroom and the bride’s preparing for each other.
Publisher’s Note
The Three Pillars of Zion is an extensive 5-volume set of books that explores the covenants, attributes and characteristics that define a Zion person. This Zion series is heavily documented with over 3,800 references, making it one of the most extensive research projects ever written about Zion. New York Times best-selling author, Ron McMillan, says, “Larry Barkdull has written one of the most definitive works on the subject of Zion.” This ground-breaking series contains one of the most critical messages for our day. We invite you to learn more and receive a complimentary copy of the Pillars of Zion Sampler at www.PillarsOfZion.com.
See 1 Corinthians 6:20
Donna B. Nielsen, Beloved Bridegroom, p.21
Donna B. Nielsen, Beloved Bridegroom, p.25-26
See Donna B. Nielsen, Beloved Bridegroom, p.21, referencing John J. Collins, “Marriage, Divorce, and Family in Second Temple Judaism,” Browning, p.104-162
See Donna B. Nielsen, Beloved Bridegroom, p.22
See Donna B. Nielsen, Beloved Bridegroom, p.23
Donna B. Nielsen, Beloved Bridegroom, p.111
See Donna B. Nielsen, Beloved Bridegroom, p.111
Psalms 37:18-19, 25-26, Tanakh
See Donna B. Nielsen, Beloved Bridegroom, p.112
Donna B. Nielsen, Beloved Bridegroom, p.114
See Joseph Fielding Smith, The Restoration of All Things, p.244
Donna B. Nielsen, Beloved Bridegroom, p.28
Donna B. Nielsen, Beloved Bridegroom, p.28
See Verse 7, “A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief,” Hymns of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, #153
Donna B. Nielsen, Beloved Bridegroom, p.29
Donna B. Nielsen, Beloved Bridegroom, p.31
Donna B. Nielsen, Beloved Bridegroom, p.30-31
See Donna B. Nielsen, Beloved Bridegroom, p.20-21, 32
See Enos 1:27; Ether 12:32, 34, 37; D&C 98:18
See Matthew 20:22-23; 3 Nephi 18:8-9
