Rescuing Wayward Children
May 6th, 2009 by larrybarkdull
Mormon foresaw an epidemic of latter-day wayward children. Few families are not touched by the prevailing sickness.
The following story is disturbingly common:
“Marie,” a mother in Arizona, wrote, “Nothing could have prepared me for the excruciating pain of my first delivery. I had thought that I wanted to have the full experience, so I turned down the epidural. I did fine for the first few hours, and then my water broke. The sudden, blinding pain was more than I could bear, and I was only dilated to ‘3′-I had hours to go. When the nurse offered me the epidural, I gladly agreed. In fact, when the doctor was delayed because he was treating another patient, I began to panic. I couldn’t get relief from the pain fast enough. At the time, I thought, Who would knowingly go through pregnancy and delivery again? But for as much pain as I experienced that day, it was nothing compared to the spiritual suffering I experienced when that same, sweet little boy chose drugs over school, immorality over chastity, friends over family–he abandoned the Church and broke my heart.”
Mormon was not just an observer of the future; Mormon was a prophet with remedies for the latter-day epidemic of waywardness. If we parents will internalize his message, we need not stand by and wring our hands. Powerful gospel tools are at our disposal, which arm us so that we can actively attack this problem and win. The Book of Mormon, modern-day prophets, and the Lord have promised!
The Book of Mormon Parallel
To help us, Mormon chose powerful examples from his history that would correspond with his vision of the last days. Regarding waywardness, he chose the story of Alma the Elder and his son.
To set up the story, Mormon related an important incident regarding the Nephite “pioneers,” whom the Lord had delivered and brought to their land of promise. The similarity between the Nephite pioneers and our forefathers does not escape us. Those stalwart parents, who had sacrificed so much to establish their Zion in Zarahemla were now rearing children who did not believe, as had their parents. Here is how Mormon describes these children of the next generation:
Now it came to pass that there were many of the rising generation that could not understand the words of king Benjamin, being little children at the time he spake unto his people; and they did not believe the tradition of their fathers. They did not believe what had been said concerning the resurrection of the dead, neither did they believe concerning the coming of Christ. And now because of their unbelief they could not understand the word of God; and their hearts were hardened. And they would not be baptized; neither would they join the church. And they were a separate people as to their faith, and remained so ever after, even in their carnal and sinful state; for they would not call upon the Lord their God.
This frightening account of children abandoning their parents’ beliefs and following paths of carnality and sin is played out in too many LDS families. Mormon made the point that no set of parents, not even the king of the land or the prophet of God, is safe from the effects of the plague of wayward children: “Now the sons of Mosiah were numbered among the unbelievers; and also one of the sons of Alma was numbered among them, he being called Alma, after his father….” Clearly, Satan can reach into any family and snatch away any of our innocent children.
No Grief is as Acute
Of course, when this happens to us, we feel grief-stricken, isolated, ashamed and guilty. In vain we internalize and personalize the child’s bad behavior: “What did I do wrong? Why didn’t I see this coming?” We groan under the weight of apparent scriptural indictments: “And again, inasmuch as parents have children in Zion, or in any of her stakes which are organized, that teach them not to understand the doctrine of repentance, faith in Christ the Son of the living God, and of baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost by the laying on of the hands, when eight years old, the sin be upon the heads of the parents…And they shall also teach their children to pray, and to walk uprightly before the Lord.”
Perhaps worst, we feel helpless to change things. Should we employ tough love and risk destroying the relationship? Or should we silently watch and mourn and risk losing the child completely? Where are the answers? Where is power to change things?
There is an Answer
Mormon knew what parents could do. So did the ancient prophets, and so do the modern prophets. It is a common scriptural and prophetic theme. We begin with admission: the sickness of spiritual waywardness is a spiritual problem that needs a spiritual remedy. To lay the groundwork for spiritual healing to occur, we need at least three spiritual tools:
- Perspective. We need to remember that the Fall has rendered us significantly impotent. We feel sin ever beckoning us, and we cannot escape the realities of corruption, aging, disease and opposition. Clearly, mortality is a hard experience for our children and for us.
- Grace. We cannot make it alone. The Fall would be an impossible situation to negotiate without divine intervention and help. Only Jesus Christ can give us the strength to persevere, overcome. and do good works.
- Strength. Strength to do what? We seek strength to change our circumstance–not to eliminate it. We seek strength to believe in and draw upon the power of the Atonement, where there is infinite power to affect a change. We seek strength to believe that the Lord is bound to us by covenant, and therefore there are promises that we can count on. We can tap into the Lord’s power and change our situation.
For parents to become agents of change and people who are capable of acting in the strength of the Lord, we must reevaluate our level of belief in the Plan of Redemption and adopt a new perspective. Perhaps we need to reexamine our faith and ask ourselves some questions.
- Do we simply believe that Christ exists, or do we believe who he really is-the Deliverer?
- Do we believe that the gospel is a nice culture, or a vibrant system of reclaiming and redemptive tools?
- Is our child’s waywardness indicative of our personal failing, or is his waywardness indicative of a divine trust?
- Did Heavenly Father foresee this season of spiritual sickness, or did it catch him off guard?
- If he knew about it, did he plan for it?
- Am I alone? Do I have to fret and come up with a plan to save my child, or is there already a plan of salvation in place, and I just need to learn and do my part?
- If what I am going through is a calling rather than a curse, was I prepared for it? Can I count on God making me equal to my calling?
So what do we learn from Mormon? Why did he direct our attention to wayward Alma and the wayward sons of Mosiah? The answer lies in what Alma the Elder did: He sanctified himself. Rather than put his energy into changing his son, he put his energy into changing himself, and that effort facilitated a spiritual awakening for his son.
This is the lesson that we learn from Alma the Elder: Every effort that parents make to increase their level of sanctification has a direct redeeming effect on their children. In other words, the redeemed parents partner with the Redeemer to do the redeeming. Therefore, we do not have to sit by and helplessly watch a child spin out of control. We can go to work, and the primary work we will do is on ourselves. Speaking of this principle and stating a promise, Brigham Young said,
Let the father and mother, who are members of this Church and Kingdom, take a righteous course, and strive with all their might never to do a wrong, but to do good all their lives; if they have one child or one hundred children, if they conduct themselves towards them as they should, binding them to the Lord by their faith and prayers, I care not where those children go, they are bound up to their parents by an everlasting tie, and no power of earth or hell can separate them from their parents in eternity; they will return again to the fountain from whence they sprang.
The gospel of Jesus Christ absolutely holds the spiritual solution for spiritual waywardness.
Divine Positioning
The gospel centers on redemption. Period. Redemption is the primary work of the Gods. Redemption is also the work that we signed up to do, because we desired to become like the Gods. Therefore, redemption is the work that we will be doing throughout eternity. Is it any wonder then that God gives us opportunities to learn redemptive skills? Clearly, God has redemption in mind when he places struggling children with faithful parents. How could we believe otherwise? Do we really believe that God, who created and organized the universe, simply rolls the dice and hopes for the best when he sends children into our families?
Elder Neal A. Maxwell called family placement “divine appointment,” or we might say divine positioning. This organizational method often calls for weak children to be placed with strong parents, strong children to be placed with weak parents, or strong individuals to marry into weak families. Why? To do the work of redemption. BYU professor, Catherine Thomas, said, “God may place spiritually challenging children in homes of spiritual and conscientious parents for their mutual benefit.”
Possibly countless ages of divine premortal observation and planning determined our children’s mortal placement. Beyond every other consideration our children’s familial placement was meant to rescue them and to magnify their opportunity to advance toward exaltation. Even the difficulties they would experience could serve to save and exalt them. Heavenly Father’s house is a house of order!
Sweeping Prophetic Promises
Of course, nothing trumps agency, and no guarantee could ever been made that a child will ultimately choose to turn from a life of waywardness. Nevertheless, these principles are so powerful that the prophets have used very little qualifying language in making universal and incredible promises. The atonement has a much greater reach than we might imagine. Joseph Smith said, “Our Heavenly Father is more liberal in His views, and boundless in his mercies and blessings, than we are ready to believe or receive.”
Then come the promises:
”There is never a time when the spirit is too old to approach God. All are within the reach of pardoning mercy.”–Joseph Smith
”God hath made a provision that every spirit in the eternal world can be ferreted out and saved.” –Joseph Smith
”I tell you that when the prophets and apostles go to preach to those who are shut up in prison, thousands of them will embrace the Gospel. They know more in that world than they do here.”– Wilford Woodruff
”When the gospel is preached to the spirits in prison, the success attending that preaching will be far greater than that attending the preaching of our elders in this life. I believe there will be very few indeed of those spirits who will not gladly receive the gospel when it is carried to them. The circumstances there will be a thousand times more favorable.”–Lorenzo Snow
”God has fulfilled His promises to us, and our prospects are grand and glorious. Yes, in the next life we will have our wives, and our sons and daughters. If we do not get them all at once, we will have them some time…. You that are mourning about your children straying away will have your sons and your daughters. If you succeed in passing through these trials and afflictions…you will, by the power of the priesthood, work and labor, as the Son of God has, until you get all your sons and daughters in the path of exaltation and glory. This is just as sure as that the sun rose this morning over yonder mountains. Therefore, mourn not because all your sons and daughters do not follow in the path that you have marked out to them, or give heed to your counsels. Inasmuch as we succeed in securing eternal glory, and stand as saviors, and as kings and priests to our God, we will save our posterity.” – Lorenzo Snow
“Jesus had not finished his work when his body was slain, neither did he finish it after his resurrection from the dead; although he had accomplished the purpose for which he then came to the earth, he had not fulfilled all his work. And when will he? Not until he has redeemed and saved every son and daughter of our father Adam that have been or ever will be born upon this earth to the end of time, except the sons of perdition. That is his mission. We will not finish our work until we have saved ourselves, and then not until we shall have saved all depending upon us; for we are to become saviors upon Mount Zion, as well as Christ. We are called to this mission.” — Joseph F. Smith
“You parents of the wilful and the wayward! Don’t give them up. Don’t cast them off. They are not utterly lost. The Shepherd will find his sheep. They were his before they were yours–long before he entrusted them to your care; and you cannot begin to love them as he loves them. They have but strayed in ignorance from the Path of Right, and God is merciful to ignorance. Only the fulness of knowledge brings the fulness of accountability. Our Heavenly Father is far more merciful, infinitely more charitable, than even the best of his servants, and the Everlasting Gospel is mightier in power to save than our narrow finite minds can comprehend.”–Orson F. Whitney
“The Prophet Joseph Smith declared-and he never taught a more comforting doctrine-that the eternal sealings of faithful parents and the divine promises made to them for valiant service in the Cause of Truth, would save not only themselves, but likewise their posterity. Though some of the sheep may wander, the eye of the Shepherd is upon them, and sooner or later they will feel the tentacles of Divine Providence reaching out after them and drawing them back to the fold. Either in this life or the life to come, they will return. They will have to pay their debt to justice; they will suffer for their sins; and may tread a thorny path; but if it leads them at last, like the penitent Prodigal, to a loving and forgiving father’s heart and home, the painful experience will not have been in vain. Pray for your careless and disobedient children; hold on to them with your faith. Hope on, trust on, till you see the salvation of God.” –Orson F. Whitney
”Those born under the covenant, throughout all eternity, are the children of their parents. Nothing except the unpardonable sin, or sin unto death, can break this tie. If children do not sin as John said, ‘unto death,’ the parents may still feel after them and eventually bring them back near to them again.”–Joseph Fielding Smith
”I leave my blessing upon you. May there be…a sense of security and peace and love among your children, precious children every one of them, even those who may have strayed. I hope you don’t lose patience with them; I hope you go on praying for them, and I don’t hesitate to promise that if you do, the Lord will touch their hearts and bring them back to you with love and respect and appreciation.”–Gordon B. Hinckley
Such optimism from the prophets for eventual success should kindle hope within any parent’s despairing heart. These empowering principles and promises should be good news for us. Rather than languishing in hopelessness, while watching our children die spiritually, we can employ the sanctifying principles found in the Plan of Redemption and expect miracles to happen.
And miracles do happen!
There is Hope
The powerful principles in the Plan of Salvation are within the reach of anyone who is willing to exert the effort. Is there a need? A survey of any ward in the Church or a scan of Conference talks should provide the answer. Spiritual waywardness is epidemic. You are not alone! In fact you are in good company. Some of the best parents who have ever lived have struggled with wayward children–so much so that one begins to wonder if this situation is not common to the mortal experience. Perhaps a wayward child is not a curse after all; maybe the child is a trust. Nevertheless, this epidemic was foretold in the scriptures, and a remedy was prescribed. Once parents become acquainted with these redemptive principles, miracles often happen.
The divine resources that are available to us are amazingly expansive, and the vast body of confirming evidence of eventual success is overwhelming. Therefore, to discount the Lord’s power to reclaim, even from incredible distances, or to minimize the power that the Lord has placed within our reach is to disparage the redeeming power of the infinite and universal atonement of Jesus Christ.
Absolutely, there is hope.
Invitation
This article was adapted from my newly released book Rescuing Wayward Children. I invite you to join my new Facebook group called “Rescuing Wayward Children.”
Mosiah 26:1-4
Brigham Young, Discourses of Brigham Young, p. 208
M. Catherine Thomas, “Alma the Younger, Part 1,” Neal A. Maxwell Institute for Religious Scholarship
For example, see 1 Corinthians 10:13; Romans 8:28; Ether 12:27
Joseph Fielding Smith, ed., Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, p. 257
Joseph Fielding Smith, ed., Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, p. 191
Joseph Fielding Smith, ed., Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, p. 356-57
G. Homer Durham, ed., The Discourses of Wilford Woodruff, p. 152
[xii] Daniel H. Ludlow, ed., Latter-day Prophets Speak: Selections from the Sermons and Writings of Church Presidents, p.35
Lorenzo Snow, The Teachings of Lorenzo Snow, p. 195
Joseph F. Smith, Gospel Doctrine: Selections from the Sermons and Writings of Joseph F. Smith, p. 442, emphasis added
Orson F. Whitney, Conference Report, April 1929, p. 110
Orson F. Whitney, Conference Report, April 1929, p.110
Joseph Fielding Smith, Doctrines of Salvation, vol 2, p. 90
Gordon B. Hinckley, Address given to the Saints in Great Britain, August 1995
I can’t tell you how much hope you have given me. I can’t wait to get the book. I just wrote a little essay that started out as a “word of the day” exercise for my writing group. The word was “divide” and I wanted to explore the concepts involved in how God divided us up in the pre-existence. I just added your quote from Neil Maxwell and Catherine Thomas to it. I also have a wonderful story by Carl Fred Broderick, a nationally acclaimed family psychologist and Mormon. The experience so impressed me I bought his book with the story so I would have all the details. Brother Broderick was a Stake President at the time. A woman came to him for counsel in some difficulties she was having in her family. Perhaps you have heard the story but if not I am copying it here.
“As she asked me for a blessing to sustain her in what to do with this awful situation in which she found herself, my thoughts were, ‘Didn’t you ask for this? You married a guy who really didn’t have any depth to him and raised your kids too permissively. You should have fought harder to keep them in church rather than letting them run off to racetracks.’ I had all those judgments in my head. I laid my hands on her head, and the Lord told her of his love and his tender concern for her. He acknowledged that he had given her (and she had volunteered for) a far, far harder task than he would like. (And, as he put in my mind, a harder task than I had had. I have eight good kids, the last of whom just went to the temple. All would have been good if they had been orphans.) She, however, had signed up for hard children, for children who had rebellious spirits but who were valuable; for a hard husband who had a rebellious spirit but who was valuable. The Lord alluded to events in her life that I hadn’t known about, but which she confirmed afterwards: twice Heavenly Father had given her the choice between life and death, whether to come home and be relieved of her responsibilities, which weren’t going very well, or whether to stay to see if she could work them through. Twice on death’s bed she had sent the messenger away and gone back to that hard task. She stayed with it.”
“I repented, I realized I was in the presence of one of the Lord’s great noble spirits, who had chosen not a safe place behind the lines pushing out the ordnance to the people in the front lines as I was doing, but somebody who chose to live out in the trenches where the Lord’s work was being done, where there was risk, where you could be hurt, where you could lose, where you could be destroyed by your love. That’s the way she had chosen to labor.” (My Parents Married on a Dare, Carlfred Broderick, p. 125-126)
Thanks again for all you write, words mean a lot to me. Charmaine Anderson
Thank you. This is beautiful.
Oh please read this article, and gain the comfort that I recieved from it! My fourth and youngest son, who is only 14 years old, has decided to leave the church, (as has his older three brothers), and not only that, to leave me and go and live with his father, who is not a member of the church. Today I prayed again the same pleading prayer that I have offered over the last few weeks, “Father, I’m handing my children over to Thee. I put my boys into Thy care, because Thou art the best Father to watch over them”… Only today I prayed that prayer in the temple. Tonight I read this article from merridian magazine. Oh what sweet comfort I felt, knowing that my Father in heaven heard my plea…
Brogan Scott
This isn’t a LDS-specific situation… its a more of a generation/cultural gap.
How do you think the parents of protestant converts felt during Martin Luther’s time? Do you think they where concerned about their children following false prophets and deviant beliefs? How about parents of the early Buddhist martyrs? How about the family of modern day Islam convert in America? Or how about the parents of early English LDS converts? Do you think that they were comfortable with their children’s plans to travel to the other side of the world to join a small religious sect founded around ancient gold tablets and a 20ish charismatic prophet?
Do you suppose that they have:
-Thoughts of failure as parents?
-Concerns for their children leaving the “religion of their fathers”?
-Fears that abandoning their religion is just another small erosion of the bedrock of faith, thus leading to a slippery slope of greater evils?
My guess is that you are actually worried that you are losing a connection with your children. That they are going to places you cannot and will not follow.
I can personally tell you I regret telling my parents about my disbelief. Why? Because they just accepted 100% of “responsibility and blame”. Their first thought wasn’t to ask why I decided to leave, it was to ask what had they done wrong. Instead of trying to find a middle place, a place of commonly shared values to maintain the relationship, they immediately recoiled and recommitted to the church, hoping that doing so would pull me back to the church, whether I wanted to or not. I have no doubt that my name is in the temple roll every week and that my parents hope that I will have a “Alma the younger” experience. What frustrates me is that they don’t comprehend that I wish the same for them. I see my parents becoming more orthodox each day, devoting more and more to the church and less to the family.
So what can be done? Mutual respect and acknowledgment of differing perspectives. Looking through my parents eyes at the church, I respect why they show so much devotion. In their perspective it is a beautiful thing and I don’t want to take that away from them; however, in my perspective of the church, it doesn’t espouse the values that I hold sacred. But in the end, the values are the same.
I understand that their are many on this forum whose loved ones have turned to drugs and destructive habits. I wish to express my condolences for their sorrow and pain and I truly hope that their loved ones find stability in those that care for them, but I would hope that they would understand that correlation is not always causation.
The church teaches that salvation is a black and white issue. You must be on one side of the fence. Cold or hot. On this I must humbly disagree. When leaving the church, I did not check in all of my beliefs at the door, nor did I abandon the core principles that I hold dear. To quote one of my most favorite authors:
‘Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones.’
If you want your loved ones to be continuous parts of your life, stop playing tug-of-war and start building bridges on common beliefs. You might be surprised on how wide those bridges might turn out to be.
I hope that you will not see this post as an attack, but as an example of how your so-called “lost” family feels.
Dear Reader,
You make a good point, and I appreciate your non-combative approach. You might imagine that I hear often from people who have become disassociated with the Church. Usually, they take my writings very personally, as though I was singling them out and publicly attacking them. I never take the time to respond to such people. It wouldn’t be productive, because all they want to do is argue.
Let me try to explain an underlying philosophy that sets LDS parents apart from the others you have mentioned. This philosophy lies on a foundational concept that I doubt many of them could adequately articulate. This philosophy is bold, and makes Mormons the targets of ongoing and sometimes violent persecution. This philosophy elevates the Church from a nice culture to a vibrant system of saving covenants and ordinances that mark the path leading to eternal life. I know you have heard this before, but please hear me out.
Mormons (and Mormon parents) believe that these saving covenants and ordinances existed in the primitive Church and that Jesus Christ taught them and administered them. Moreover, he authorized, empowered and commissioned twelve apostles with the priesthood (his authority) to become the custodians of these covenants and ordinances. I do not need to rehearse scriptural evidence because it is so prevalent in the New Testament. My point is this: Jesus organized an actual Church to “house” these sacred covenants and ordinances, and he set the apostles to be the “custodians.” At the time of Christ, this practice and philosophy flew in the face of the current religion, and Church members were persecuted and killed for their belief. It was perceived as presumptive, outlandish and dangerous.
Like the saints of the primitive Church, LDS parents believe that there is a single way to obtain eternal life, which they define as life with God and pursuing the quality of life he enjoys. This is not always and never has been a popular view. As I have said, people in all generations have sacrificed severely for holding to this point of view, but nevertheless they cling to it tenaciously, even unto death. Their greatest desire is that their children come to understand this foundational philosophy of the Church, and that their children receive an answer from God and then choose to believe and live it. But if their children step away from the Church or do not believe the philosophy immediately, the parents hope and pray that the children will one day have the opportunity to see clearly enough to make an informed choice, for lack of a better term, whereas now that choice might be clouded by all sorts of competing doctrines and philosophies.
Where is all of this leading to? Let’s continue. After Jesus’ death, the apostles continued to to preach this same gospel and administer the sames covenants and ordinances. As the Church grew,the apostles ordained others to preach and administer the covenants and ordinances, as Jesus had done when he was alive. Then there was a great apostasy. It is well documented. Apostasy means to fall away, suggesting that exterior pressure might have contributed to the fall but did not cause it. A scan of Christian history proves that competing internal forces ruptured the primitive Church and the people split off into their own factions. In other words, the saints became their own worst enemies. When the people chose away from the Church and ultimately apostatized, the Lord ceased calling new apostles to replace those who had died. Suddenly, without apostles as the foundation, the Church collapsed, and only concepts of Christianity survived–but not the covenants and ordinances nor the authority to administer them. Only apostles had that authority to do such things. Again, these things were prophesied by Jesus and the apostles, and a latter-day Restoration was also prophesied. These things are evident throughout the Bible.
So here is the first point where Mormons split from other churches. We believe that Jesus Christ organized a church that was as perfect as he was. That is, there was no need to change something that was perfect in organization and doctrine. Apostles were the foundation of the Church of Jesus Christ. Priesthood was necessary to govern the Lord’s Church. Sacred, saving covenants and ordinances were the essence of the gospel message, and those things were administered by men who were actually authorized and empowered to do so. There was a falling away, and there was a full restoration. We believe that the Church of Jesus Christ has been fully restored to the earth, and that that Restoration includes the same organization, authority, covenants and ordinances. The Church differs from all other Christian in that it is neither an off-shoot nor a result of protestantism. It does not evolve from Catholicism nor any other religion. It was revealed from heaven to a prophet in the same way other restorations of the gospel have occurred in the past. (For example to Enoch, Noah, Abraham, Moses, etc.)
The purposes of Jesus Christ are 1) to bring us back to God and 2) to help us become like God. To bring us back requires baptism and the Holy Ghost. To help us become like God requires an infusion of heavenly power and knowledge. Now we are talking about more ordinances beyond baptism to give us that power and knowledge.These sacred covenants and ordinances are administered in temples. Again, these concepts are not new; they permeate the pages of the New Testament, and as we know, temples have always been part of God’s true Church in any age.
Of course, this process of priesthood, progressive ordinances and temples seems like nonsense to the world. Nevertheless, the Church of Jesus in any age has required that its members receive authorized ordinances by way of covenant-making. That is, to obtain salvation as I have tried to define it, we must make agreements or covenants with the Lord, along with those covenants’ associated ordinances. No one can simply state that they have made an agreement with God. All scriptural evidence points to formalizing such agreements by means of an ordinance–and an authorized priesthood holder has always been the one administering the covenant and its associated ordinance. When we keep our end of the agreement, God keeps his, and we progress blessing upon blessing, power upon power, knowledge upon knowledge until we become like God. Members of God’s Church have always been called “covenant people.”
Covenants and ordinances are the markers along the path leading to salvation. As I have stated, the apostles are the custodians of the keys to these sacred covenants and ordinances. When we make a covenant and receive the associated ordinance by the power of the authority of the apostles, we are assured that the terms of the covenant will endure eternally, if we abide by the terms of the covenants. We have God’s personal seal and guarantee.
So what is Jesus’ purpose and the purpose of his Church? 1) to bring us back to God and 2) to help us become like God. The path that we follow has the following markers (covenants and ordinances):
1. Baptism and the Holy Ghost
2. Aaronic and Melchizedek Priesthood ordination for men
3. Temple ordinances
4. Eternal marriage.
Here is how these markers help us become like God.
1. Baptism and the Holy Ghost–To help us step away from the telestial world and point us toward the celestial world
2. Priesthood—To help us obtain the authority of God.
3. Temple ordinances–To help us obtain the knowledge and power of God.
4. Eternal marriage. To help us obtain the lifestyle and kingdom of God.
I doubt that I have told you anything that you do not know. LDS parents believe that there is a single path that leads to these supernal blessings. Some parents can explain this concept well, and others cannot. Nevertheless, they believe in it fiercely, and like saints in all ages, they are willing to sacrifice anything for their belief. Are they persecuted and misunderstood? Sometimes. Nevertheless, they love their children and hope that their children will take a hard look at the message of the Restoration of the Church of Jesus Christ…and perhaps reconsider.
I agree with you that LDS parents share similarities to parents of other faiths whose children choose otherwise; that is, they feel equal pain. Nevertheless, there is a larger issue that has nothing to do with culture, traditions or generational concerns. That larger issue has to do with ultimate salvation. If, indeed, there is only one way to obtain eternal life then no amount of disbelief, rationalization or debate will change that fact. Of course, that bold message has often irritated others, and as I have said, members of the Church have sometimes paid a high price for holding to that belief. But if it is true, it behooves all of us to consider it without passion or prejudice. Also, if it is true, then God would be obligated to tell us–not man, but God himself. If this is the most important message that he has for his children then he alone should provide the ultimate answer. No me, not your parents, but God.
For my part, and I would suspect for the part of your parents, I have put God to the test. Like you, I once drifted away for a season. But an experience urged me to step back and regroup–to put God to the test and see if I was caught up in my parents’ tradition, or if I had judged wrongly. I paid a price for the answer I received. I set aside my prejudice long enough to study the subject thoroughly so that I was approaching it from the point of view of knowledge and not supposition or prejudice. I needed to satisfy my intellect, but of course, intellect can never take the place of a direct spiritual answer from God. When that answer came, it was undeniable and beyond anything that I had ever experienced. It would be impossible to duplicate to dream up. The answer burned out all the doubt and prejudice and misunderstanding. It formed the foundation for myriad similar experiences since that time, as I have learned here a little and there a little. My story is not unique. I have seen it time and again. If the Church is true, God himself will tell you. If it is true, it holds the greatest message that the world has ever heard. It explains the purpose of life that is more satisfying, convincing and hopeful than could be found in any other philosophy.
I have tried to explain why your parents’ situation and beliefs differ from those of other parents. Their beliefs are light years’ divergent because there is more on the line. I doubt that they love more than other parents, believe with more passion, or hurt more–they simply hold to a set of beliefs that cannot be duplicated. Most likely, like me, they have paid a high price to receive an answer about their beliefs directly from God, and for that reason, they are fully devoted to him and are willing to sacrifice for their beliefs. In the end, motivated by nothing more than intense love for you, they hope the day will come when you will try an experiment to see if God will reveal the same to you. I guarantee that you will receive an answer. It always comes to those who are sincerely seeking the truth, and who are determined to follow the truth when God reveals it to them.
I sense that you are a good person, who is non-combative and sincere. You obviously come from good parents who love you. You could have approached your letter to me in an argumentative fashion, and you chose a softer approach. That speaks volumes about your character. You are one of a very few people who are disassociated with the Church whom I have taken the time to answer. Mostly, they write ugly sentiments and try to castigate me. I am not interested. But you have handled this sensitive subject courteously, and I sense that you are open to a frank discussion. I thank you for your generosity.I hope you will consider what I have tried to explain. Clearly, email is one of the worst ways to communicate such things. I hope you will reconsider your parents’ motives and concerns from another point of view and not lump them in with other parents. Again, while there are similarities, the issues are extremely different. I sincerely hope the day will come when you might be willing to reconsider the Church of Jesus Christ in light of what I have tried to explain. If you do, and more importantly if you will ask God, I guarantee that you will receive a definitive answer.
Thanks for taking the time to write to me.
Larry
Thank you for leaving up my reply. In all honesty, I expected that I had just wasted that time, as most religious blogs I’ve encountered have simply dismissed and censored my comments. I think that your willingness to accept differing views on your blog speaks volumes upon your character.
You are right in the idea that the source of the pain is in the idea of salvation and ordinances. The church claims exclusivity to absolute truth and the means of redemption. My point, as previously mentioned, is that this claim of exclusivity is not a Mormon-centric ideal. Dogma and belief in the great apostasy aside, the Catholic claim to the absolute saving rights by means of baptism and various sacraments is still very real. A family member who leaves Catholicism to join the LDS church causes the same level of distress as seen in these families. So my question is how would you comfort the family of a catholic to LDS convert? Would it not pain you to see them begin to cling to orthodoxy as a means to bring back “wayward” children? Do you think that orthodoxy would soften the hearts of their children or further push them away catholic beliefs?
The answer to the pain lies in the assumptions that God loves his children and is just. The belief of multiple apostasies throughout time means that there is an undeniably significant percentage of the total human population that has not even heard of Jesus Chirst, much less the Mormon church (currently <1% of the worlds population), hence the need for vicarious ordinances and preaching to the dead. This belief in the absolute justice and love of God is a source of peace for those of differing beliefs, as we must accept that the nature of life includes acting upon incomplete knowledge – there is only so much we can learn in one lifetime and God would be unjust in condemning us in such as state.
Well, I’m starting to ramble (my apologies), so I’ll get to the point. Your non-member family are in as much pain as you are. They wish that they could change your views, as they see the church as a man-made institution that consumes time, money and energy. much akin to how Mormon’s view those who follow televangelists (not trying to offend, just explain). It hurts to see my loved ones being consumed by a religion that I view as blatantly false and abusive. But it will cause nothing but alienation if I try to continually butt heads over differing views.
Instead, why not build on common beliefs? Have family activities without the dogma. Do non-church based charity together. Find ways to show kindness, without drawing upon the mutual underling intentions for conversion. And draw peace from the idea that God loves his children and will not dismiss them for their frailties.
My regards.
Again, thanks for your candidness. And you are right–a relationship is only as good as the love adn respect of the individuals involved. President Gordon B. Hinckley marked his presidency by reaching out to other religions and finding common ground. He was fond of inviting others to bring their truths to the table and see if we could add to that library of truth. I am sorry that you see the Church as false and abusive. I have known members who have set an example that would have made any religion shudder. Those people have never prospered and they are not representative of the Church as a whole. Church leaders have repeatedly denounced such actions and have threatened abusive people with harsh reprisals. You and I differ on our appraisal of the truthfulness of the Church, but that fact cannot be settled by debate. For myself, I paid a price to obtain an answer directly from God. Hence, I don’t need verification from any man. I am no one special, and I believe in a God who loves his children equally. Therefore, I believe that anyone who desires to know if this Church is true or not can apply themselves and ask directly. Then, according to James, the Lord’s brother, God will give liberally.
Brother Burkdull,
Thank you and the previous comentators for your thoughful dialogue(s). My husband and I became a members of the Church at ages 46, a time after our two boys were grown. Neither one of our sons were raised in a church of any kind. Although one of them was baptised into the Church approximately 10 years ago, he has since fallen away due to drugs and a gay lifestyle. He is HIV possitive, but will probably outlive us. The other is married, has children and, is agnostic.
Herein lies our dilemina… both are adult children with their own free agency. It seems that the context of our “doctrine of redemption” only addresses children born into the covenant or, sealed to their parents at a later time (i.e., the tie that binds).
We have counseled with our Bishops and Stake Presidents throughout the years; however, ther answer(s) always seem to boil down to the same thing….the ordinance of sealing. (Nothing else is ever said, much less how that could occur) I am about to give up. Is there any hope for parents such as us?
Dear Aging Parents,
The fact that you and your spouse are sealed together carries enormous weight and far-reaching implications. While you are correct in stating that nothing trumps agency, nevertheless, the scriptures and prophets also teach us that a conversion opportunity or opportunities will occur or each of us. The Book of Mormon is a text book on that principle. I highly recommend that you get a copy of my book, Rescuing Wayward Children, and read the chapter containing the promises made to parents. When we parents are faced with long-term situations with our wayward children, we must remember a few truths. First, mortality does not end until the resurrection. Next, final judgment is not pronounced until each of us has been presented with the full truth and has the unrestricted ability to choose. In substanitally every case, repentance is possible, and God’s mercy is more extensive than we can imagine. Eternal judgment is not determined by deception; only with full light and knowledge and unfettered choice could judgment be fair. Finally, God’s love and redeeming power is beyond our ability to comprehend. He has created a plan of salvation for each of us. He has foreseen our sins, misjudgments and mistakes, and he has taken care of those things. We except that most people, when they are presented with the full truth as was Alma, that they will choose as he did. Until that day, parents’ responsibility is to be good partners with God as he works his plan. That means that you put your energy into increasing your level of sanctification, that you love unconditionally, and that you maintain the relationship. Conversion opportunities will come to the child–in this life or the next, those opportunities will come. Guaranteed. When they do, miracles often happen. Don’t lose hope. God hasn’t.
Blessings,
Larry