Power in the Marriage Sealing to Rescue Wayward Children
Apr 8th, 2009 by larrybarkdull
Love-perfect love-is the greatest power in the universe. Love motivates God to do all that He does. The greatest expression of His love is to give and redeem life. He invites His children to experience His type of life, for therein is His joy made full. By following His example-giving life and redeeming life-our joy is also made full. Therein is the perfection of and hope for our love. Therein are children given and therein are children saved.
Following is a story of a Nevada couple who drew upon the power of their marriage sealing and simply loved.
When “James” was a teenager, he set about to self-destruct in record time. “Thomas and Alyssa,” his parents, were helpless to halt or alter his determination. A bad group of friends introduced him to alcohol and later, tobacco. When he began to fail badly in school, Thomas and Alyssa tried to help him with a tutor, but James soon lost all interest. Later, he dropped out of school, and later still, when Thomas and Alyssa had laid out a simple set of rules that James would not abide, they asked him to live elsewhere. By that time, he was using and selling drugs, stealing from his parents, and having frequent run-ins with the law. At one point, James was incarcerated for a year, but when he was released he continued with his destructive behavior.
To deal with the problem, Thomas and Alyssa did something remarkable: they pulled together as a couple. They renewed their marriage by frequent dating and trips. They increased their temple attendance, and they put more energy into their couple prayers. In the midst of one of the worst trials of their lives, they reacted by loving each other and God more.
Power in the Sealing for both Single and Married Parents
Though love is powerful, it requires a sealing of that love-in the temples of our God-to fully and finally save our children and cement our marriages. For single parents and those wishing to be sealed in the temple, this can be a painful reminder. However, though this article deals specifically with the power given to married couples who are sealed in the temple, many of its principles apply to singles, single parents, those working for eternal union with less-active spouses, and to children who are praying for their wayward parents. Faith and grace allow us to act as if we were in possession of that which we lack and to do all that we can do with the assurance that the Lord will make up the difference. Attesting to the truth of this comforting fact, President Lorenzo Snow said,
There is no Latter-day Saint who . . . will lose anything because of having failed to do certain things when opportunities were not furnished him or her. . . . If a young man or a young woman has no opportunity of getting married, and they live faithful lives up to the time of their death, they will have all the blessings, exaltation, and glory that any man or woman will have who had this opportunity and improved it.
If this is the case, then why is a review of the value of temple marriage important? We can be comforted by an examination of these blessings of such a marriage, and we can be inspired to keep our eyes on the goal. When one finally has or again has the opportunity to fall in love, that love between a husband and a wife-through a temple marriage-solidifies the initial sealing of their marriage covenant into an unbreakable welding link. They become one in word, purpose, and deed, and that ultimate and final kind of unity is necessary to obtain the celestializing blessings of heaven in behalf of their children.
While our temple experience teaches us that the sealing of parents is provisional and based on subsequent obedience, we also become aware that no such qualifying language is used when a child is born in the covenant or when a child born outside the covenant is later sealed to his parents. This suggests that the Lord intends for the child to belong to the parents forever. President Joseph Fielding Smith said, “Those born under the covenant, throughout all eternity, are the children of their parents. Nothing except the unpardonable sin, or sin unto death, can break this tie. If children do not sin as John said, ‘unto death,’ the parents may still feel after them and eventually bring them back near to them again.”
Whether a child is born into the covenant or the child is subsequently sealed to his parents, no conditions are mentioned, suggesting that the Lord intends for the child to belong to the parents forever. The prophets have stated repeatedly that the calling of parent is one from which we are never released. Such is the incredible power of the sealing ordinance. The covenants made and the sealing pronounced on parents married in the temple creates a patriarchal hold that secures children to their parents forever, pulling them into that covenant.
Sealed by the Holy Spirit of Promise
Thus, for a man and a woman, the ultimate goals of love are to enter into the new and everlasting covenant of marriage, then persist in that covenant until their marriage is sealed by the Holy Spirit of Promise. The Holy Spirit of Promise is a “name-title used in connection with the sealing and ratifying power of the Holy Ghost.” Great power devolves upon a husband and wife who have married in the temple and lived worthily so that the Holy Spirit of Promise can validate their marriage. Elder Bruce C. Hafen wrote,
A covenant marriage in the highest sense will begin as a temple marriage. When the partners are then sufficiently righteous, the marriage will be sealed by the Holy Spirit of Promise (D&C 132:7), “which the Father sheds forth upon all those who are just and true” (D&C 76:53). Such a marriage will then be not only eternal in duration but also celestial in quality, for it will be a marriage that partakes of God’s quality of life.
President James E. Faust made one of the clearest statements on the subject: “When the covenant of marriage for time and eternity, the culminating gospel ordinance, is sealed by the Holy Spirit of promise, it can literally open the windows of heaven for great blessings to flow to a married couple who seek for those blessings.”
Contingent upon Faithfulness
This highest manifestation of gospel blessings is contingent upon our faithfulness to our covenants. Although marriage is an important step toward exaltation, it is not the ultimate step. Elder Bruce R. McConkie wrote, “It should be clearly understood that these high blessings are not part of celestial marriage. ‘Blessings pronounced upon couples in connection with celestial marriage are conditioned upon the subsequent faithfulness of the participating parties.’”
If a man and a woman marry in the temple, thereby entering into the patriarchal order of the priesthood, and then remain worthy so that their marriage is sealed by the Holy Spirit of Promise, they are given greater power from on high to ask for and receive the highest blessings. These blessings include power to gather or call back their family to Christ (keys restored by Moses), power to organize their family into an eternal, celestial unit, including power to ensure that each family member receives all the blessings of the new and everlasting covenant (keys restored by Elias), and power to have all those blessings sealed so that these blessings might endure forever (keys restored by Elijah).
Speaking of these great blessings that flow to the children by the power of their parents’ temple sealing, Joseph Fielding Smith wrote: “These keys hold the power to seal husbands and wives for eternity as well as for time. They hold the power to seal children to parents, the key of adoption, by which the family organization is made intact forever. This is the power which will save the obedient from the curse in the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord. Through these keys the hearts of the children have turned to their fathers.”
Unified in Love around our Covenants
So the key to rescuing our wayward children lies not only in our striving to be unified, but to be unified with respect to our covenants and increasing commitment to the sacrifices required when we receive the gifts of gospel blessings. Elder Russell M. Nelson wrote: “As you obey each of God’s commandments, your holiness will fortify the foundation of your fathers’ faith. When the two of you are together spiritually, one plus one is clearly greater than two.”
Back to the story of James and his parents:
Throughout these years of intense stress and heartbreak, Thomas and Alyssa kept in contact with James and assured him of their love for him. Thomas said, “Alyssa and I didn’t know what else to do. In the beginning, we prayed because that was all we could think to do. But over time, we discovered that parental prayer is a sort of right God gives fathers and mothers. We didn’t even know that we had such a right until we noticed our prayers being answered in miraculous ways.”
At one critical moment, James had moved to a new city and had no place to room. His parents knew that his decision would make or break him. His history had been to live with the low-lifes of society-jobless and hard partying, alcoholics and drug users. Now he was faced with a similar decision, and Thomas and Alyssa went to their knees. They pled with Heavenly Father to help James find an LDS person to live with. Within the week, James called and said that he had made a friend of a returned missionary who had invited him to be his roommate. James stayed with this young man until his next crisis.
Later, James called his father and announced that he and a woman with whom he had been having an affair, were going to buy a condo so they could live together. Despite Thomas’s stern counsel discouraging this, James had stubbornly made up his mind and once again announced that he was going to do things his way. Thomas and Alyssa went to their knees and prayed that something would happen to give James another choice.
Within the week, James called to tell his parents that the woman had broken up with him. He was hurt, but he had begun to date an LDS girl. Within a short period of time, James and the girl fell in love and wanted to get married. She had set her sites on a temple marriage, and that made James reconsider his life. He asked his father to give him a blessing. James went to his bishop, confessed, and gave up all his bad habits. The young woman was willing to wait for James as he completed the repentance process, and after a year, they were married in the temple. Of this miracle, Thomas and Alyssa say, “Couples may not know the power that God puts into their hands. A couple that has truly become one can sincerely pray for their children, and miracles will happen. That oneness calls forth a power we had never thought possible.”
To Truly Become One
Although love may motivate a man and woman to enter into marriage, only God has the power to truly make them one. Moroni revealed to Joseph Smith the sobering fact why this welding link-a temple sealing and subsequent sanctification-must be in place to make a couple (and their progenitors and children) one: so that “the whole earth [would not] be utterly wasted at [the Lord's] coming.” Robert L. Millet gives us further insight into this idea of the earth’s being wasted:
Why would the earth be wasted at his coming? Because the earth would not have accomplished its foreordained purpose of establishing on its face a family system patterned after the order of heaven. If there were no sealing powers whereby families could be bound together, then the earth would never “answer the end of its creation” (D&C 49:16). It would be wasted and cursed, for all men and women would be forever without root or branch, without ancestry or posterity.
With the merciful gift and commandment of having our marriages start across the temple altars, righteous parents are made one by God and sealed together with His unbreakable welding link. Then, as they faithfully persevere in their covenants, the Holy Spirit of Promise seals their marriage more surely so that the welding link that was set in place at the altar will never fail.
The children who issue forth from this union-or who are sealed into it-are surely secured to their parents by virtue of that same, sure weld. Despite their rebellion, they cannot break free. The power of their parents’ oneness, which was set in place by God and made sure by the Holy Spirit of Promise, has the power to hold onto the children and eventually reel them back. See 3 Nephi 17:20.
Notes
See Alma 26:11.
Lorenzo Snow, Teachings of Lorenzo Snow, 138.
See Bruce R. McConkie, “Celestial Marriage,” Mormon Doctrine, 117-18
Joseph Fielding Smith, Doctrines of Salvation, volume 2, 90
See M. Russell Ballard, “Let Our Voices be Heard,” Ensign, November 2003.
Bruce R. McConkie, Mormon Doctrine, “Holy Spirit of Promise,” 361.
Bruce C. Hafen, Covenant Hearts, 77.
James E. Faust, “The Gift of the Holy Ghost-A Sure Compass,” Ensign, April 1996, emphasis added.
Joseph Fielding Smith, quoted in Bruce R. McConkie’s Mormon Doctrine, “Calling and Election Sure,” 110.
Joseph Fielding Smith, Doctrines of Salvation, Volume 2, 119, emphasis added.
Russell M. Nelson, The Power within Us, 113.
D&C 2:3, comments added.
Robert L. Millet, When a Child Wanders, 100-101.
Wow if that only worked in my life. I get tired of hearing how miracles happen to other families when I have been praying for my marriage and my wayward children for many many many years and nothing has changed. My husband won’t go to counseling, he thinks it is a waste of time and money and I have always had the responsibility of the children our whole marriage. He did not help in the teaching of children, thought FHE was a waste of his time and did not have time to read scriptures as a family. He has been a great provider although he is hardly ever home.
We have lost 3 of our 5 children although over the yrs one has returned but with a weak testimony. One has done drugs, continues to be immoral, has tried suicide 3 times, has a child, and blames me for all of her problems, the other one just doesn’t think that God exists and so lives a worldly lifestyle. We continue to love them and I tell them I love them all the time. I have prayed for my marriage and my children for over 25yrs and no miracles for me…I am tired and wondering why God doesn’t love me enough.
Anyway I am glad some families have the miracles, I don’t know if I will ever have a Celestial marriage the way things are going, maybe that is why God doesn’t help us…we aren’t going to make it anyway.
I know that I am angry at God and I know that is wrong so then I just get angry at myself for not having enough faith. These kind of stories just make me sadder and more lonely. Hope it helps someone though.
Dear Cyndy,
Sounds like you’ve been beaten up and you are exhausted. I don’t blame you for feeling discouraged. But lets’ take a step back for a moment and try to look at this situation another way. In the first place, if we are going to be perfectly honest, we must admit that God is consistent and no respecter of persons–He does not play favorites. Moreover, he is a God of truth who cannot lie. He is completely aware, has has all power, and his love is infinite. If we believe God the way he really is then we can move to the next step. But if you can’t get past this level of belief then you need to do some regrouping. I suggest that it is time to let go of your feelings of anger toward him and come back to him with full purpose of heart.
The next thing to consider is that your entire situation, including the situations of your family members, was anticipated by the Savior. In an act of unequaled sacrifice and love, he faced and removed every obstacle that would stand between you and the celestial kingdom. Your challenge is to take him by the hand and allow him to walk you along the same path he walked to overcome your difficulties. On your own, you have no idea how to navigate the treacherous path. You need a guide, someone who has gone there before. As you walk with him, he will tell you when to turn left then right, back up, slow down or speed up. Along the way, you will get to know each other as he teaches your some lessons. For example, you will learn that your present situation is not a curse but a trust–an act of love. You were “called” to this situation to help weaker spirits achieve exaltation. You are not failing at all. You are succeeding, but for now your perspective is almost non-existent. But as you journey with the Savior, he will send you frequent messages that your prayers are heard, your efforts are recognized, and your deliverance is in the process. If you recall, Adam and Eve also prayed for deliverance and waited in faith. What they could not see was that their prayer had been heard and heavenly help was immediately dispatched. Something was happening beyond their consciousness, but it was happening just the same. One day, like them, you too will have the blinders removed and see what has been a massive effort to rescue and reclaim.
Until then, we have some instructions from the prophets. These instructions are coupled with promises that are so sweeping that it gives us cause to hope. Our effort is to simply persevere in faith and increase our level of personal sanctification. You certainly have a heavy cross to bear. Obviously, the Lord loves you and trusts you enough to carry it. Your allegiance to God does not go unnoticed, and it will not go unrewarded. Of course, you are not the Savior, and you cannot interfere with another person’s agency, but what you can do is persevere in faith and increase your personal sanctification. Without knowing your situation completely, I would suggest a modest increase in effort on the basics. For example, pray more pointedly, by name and by situation. Increase your fasting, and do it with the purpose provided in Isaiah 58. Apply service–fasting and prayer that are not coupled with service lack power. Attend the temple more frequently. There you are infused with spiritual power. Dig into the scriptures as a form of worship. This is the quickest way to receive revelation. This might sound overly simple until you remember that Moses also asked the people to do something simple that would lead to salvation.
We need to understand that each one of us has a personal plan of salvation, and we are placed in situations that can best enact that plan. Your children were placed with you for a reason. What you feel is a personal failure is actually a trust–and likely you are succeeding at that trust, despite your feelings to the contrary. Your obedience, faithfulness, prayers and persistence matter. These things vitalize a plan that is not of your making and beyond your ability to make happen. Redemption is the work of Gods, and we mortals are greatly unequipped to handle such a work. We are novices, who are just learning the ropes. Primarily, we are to extend unconditional love and sanctify ourselves to contribute to the Father’s plan for our children. That is not to say we resign ourselves to failure or sit back and wait. Obedience and sanctification require hard work, and we must expend that effort to participate in the Father’s plan. If we do so, miracles occur. The redemption stories of Paul, Alma. the sons of Mosiah, Lamoni and his father are universal stories. Each of us will be faced with the stark truth, and then we will be offered a choice. Until then, we cannot be judged fully because we do not possess full knowledge. According to the prophets, whose promises are sweeping and hopeful, most children will repent and return. But the moment we place boundaries on the Atonement, which is described as infinite and eternal, we are limiting the Savior and assuming that he is less than he is. In the process, we make ourselves judges and are swift to indict people whom we cannot imagine will change. That assumption flies in the face of the prophets’ statements. Lorenzo Snow said that it is a thousand times easier to repent in the Spirit World than here. When we remember that mortality does not end until the resurrection, we realize that the Lord has lots of time to work things out. In the meantime, we parents do what we can as the Lord’s partners, but not trying to take on his job. I am convinced that things will work out better than you think.
Blessings,
Larry
You are right, I know all those things in my head but I have lost that feeling in my heart….how do I let go of the anger? I have prayed that God would help me overcome it or remove it from me, but is there more that I can do to feel peace? I want to feel God’s love for me and my family but it is hard for me to see it at this point. I know it intellectually, he loves all his children, but I don’t feel it. I am reading my scriptures and saying my prayers. I go to the temple when I can but admit I could go more often. I have placed my childrens names on the temple rolls each time I go and have had friends put our family’s name on the temple rolls also.
I am so overwhelmed that I am considering asking to be released from my calling in YW until I can regroup, but I have prayed to know if that is the right decision and have recieved no answer. I just am drained and feel I don’t have anything left to give right now. Plus it was during the YW yrs that my daughters left the church and it is very hard for me to be in YW as it brings up lots of bad memories and feelings of inadequacy, …how can I teach YW when I lost my own daughters?? I want to do the right thing but I dont’ know what that is at this point.
Thank you
Cyndy
Dear Cyndy,
Start by giving yourself a break. You have battle fatigue. No one, including God, is going to blame you for feeling worn out. You don’t have to try harder in your prayers. They are heard, and a plan is in place. The fact that you have hung in there as long as you have speaks to your faith and faithfulness. Give yourself some credit. Lots of people would have thrown in the towel long before–but here you are still attending church, still praying, still persevering alone. What an amazing statement of faith!
I think you let go of the anger by realizing that your perspective is a little skewed. You have thought that you have been ignored and that God is partial. You are simply listening to a voice that is willing to kick you while you are down. Stop listening to him! He can convince you of all sorts of things that are not true. But deep in your heart, you know the truth. You are not now, or ever have been, alone. When I become overwhelmed, I force myself to honestly list my blessings, and I do it in front of God. A blessing is defined as anything that is good. Despite my present adversity, do I have anything good in my life? Of course…and the list is long. Can I point to any divine intervention in my past? Of course. Again, the list is long? Is there any reason why the Lord would change his mind when I need him the most? Certainly not. So if I do not see the immediately blessing, he must be working on something that takes more time. Am I willing to wait for him and with him? Yes..even though it is hard, yes, I will wait.
I highly recommend that you continue to serve. That is where you deliverance will come. Take the opportunity to bear your testimony to your girls. Some of them will go through what you are going through. They will remember your testimony. They will remember someone crying their allegiance to God when life was so hard and when there seemed to be no hope. You are in a unique position to bless their lives and give them courage to face the trials of the last days.
Cyndy, you are the kind of person I could recommend to anyone. You are courageous and honest. You are made of the stuff of saints. Don’t sell yourself short. Make your way back to God and discover the sweet relationship that is waiting for you. I guarantee that if you will make the effort, you will feel immediate relief. You will feel arms embrace you. Then, when you feel that you can regroup, make your way to the temple and take your relationship to the next level. Somewhere in the process, hope will return–and so will strength and courage to go on. I’ve seen it happen. In your same circumstance, I saw it happen to my mother. And I also saw the result. Your future is in perfect shape. You just need to press through the present to get there.
Larry
Thank you so much for the words of encouragement and hope. I know that you are right and I will continue to perservere and wait for the Lord to work the miracles. I need to let go and let God as they say. I refuse to let Satan win through discouragement…I like the idea of listing my blessings, and following the admonition of the Book of Mormon prophets who told us to “Remember oh Remember” when the Lord has shown me miracles and has answered my prayers.
I like how you said that sometimes it takes a while because the Lord is working on something that takes more time…thanks for sharing that.
Again thank you for your responses, they have given me the hope I needed to keep going. God bless you.
Cyndy
Larry, I love your writings. My struggle is that my wife has apostatized from the Church and now the kids and I have to deal with the choices that come with that (no church, no tithing, no focus on scriptures, word of wisdom issues, modest dress issues, and on and on). Daily her decisions feel like daggers in my heart. I feel robbed of the opportunity to have the other half that you speak of to help draw on the powers of Heaven. I am completely alone in that so it definitely affects our relationship. My children (all at home) are active and so far want to stay that way. The pain I suffer is the thought and the belief that my wife and I will not be eternal companions because of her choices. That is almost to much to bear some days. I know miracles can happen but I must say that I lack the faith that anything will change my wife’s view of the Church. She has found peace without the Gospel and I know Heavenly Father will honor her agency. Now if some of my kids leave the Church my pain will be even greater. At least it is good to feel the hope for children that you shared, no matter what path they take. I wish I could have the same faith for my wife. At times I wish I could just let go of the dream that she will come back because it seems like life would be easier.
P.
Dear P.,
Don’t throw in the towel quite yet, and don’t yield to the temptation to pass eternal judgment on your wife. Heavenly Father hasn’t even done that yet, so don’t step out in front of him. I have a couple of ideas for you. First, you are never alone. That might sound trite, but it is really a profound idea. Single people, or people whose spouses are not members or wayward, often stress over the fact that they might be missing out on spiritual blessings that are promised to faithful married couples. However, the principle of grace states that you are only required all you can do then Christ will step in and make up the difference. When you entered into the New and Everlasting Covenant at baptism, you entered into a partnership with Christ. That partnership was renewed and enlarged when you entered into the Oath and Covenant of the Priesthood. Then your partnership approached its zenith when you entered the temple and received the revelation of the priesthood, or the endowment. I recommend that you spend some quality time learning about what you have and what powers and privileges are lying dormant within you. I promise that you will begin to relax, and then you can go to work with a new outlook and armed with extraordinarily powerful tools. You are simply not alone! Nothing that is promised to faithful couples is exempted from you.
Next, I recommend that you carefully study the conversion stories of Paul, Alma, the sons of Mosiah, Lamoni and Lamoni’s father. I think you will discover that these are intended to show us a universal principle. Everyone–absolutely everyone–will have an “Alma” experience. The day will come when we will be presented with the stark truth and offered an opportunity to exercise our agency: Will we choose the truth or reject it? Until we have absolute knowledge, we cannot be judged absolutely. So, until that day comes–and it could come tomorrow or in the next life–hold true to your covenants and love your wife unconditionally and patiently. (Of course, if your children are being endangered or if there is betrayal, you could talk to your bishop about being released from your marriage covenant). Because you are sealed to her, and because you hold the priesthood, you have the right and the power to draw her to you, and more importantly, to Christ. Have you considered that you are her best chance of exaltation? Don’t be too quick to give up on her. It might be that God foresaw this season of her existence and called you to save her.
The other thing we learn from these conversion stories is that Jesus can rescue people from enormous distances. Paul might as well have been murdering the Christians; the entire Church was scared of him. Alma is described as a “very wicked man,” who actively tried to destroy the Church. The sons of Mosiah were of the same ilk. Lamoni and his father were confessed murderers. Each one of these vile sinners had their conversion experience, chose Christ, and almost instantly were brought into his presence. We greatly underestimate the power of the Atonement. Our Savior is a very great Savior, whose mercy is beyond our ability to imagine. Let’s not make the mistake of assigning boundaries to his mercy. Just because you can’t imagine your wife’s changing doesn’t mean it can’t or won’t happen. The one thing we are sure of is that she will have her Alma experience, and when she does, we expect that she will choose as Alma did. There are so many prophetic statements on the subject that it gives one cause to hope.
Be a good dad; be a good husband; learn and keep your covenants, and the Lord will stand beside you and provide what you need. I believe that things will turn out better than you think. Time is on your side.
Blessings,
Larry